Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

• Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

  • Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope t …

• Build the Wall, Build the Wall (no, not that wall)

  • The Wall of Awful, Part 2: Climbing That Sucker

    • Yeehawesome!

  • Wonderful Wednesday

  • Today’s Beany-full Summary:

Build the Wall, Build the Wall (no, not that wall)

I’m talking about building the ADHD “wall of awful.”

And then doing the emotional and strategic work to CLIMB OVER that sucker.

The first video I’m sharing is from “How To ADHD” and it’s called “Why is it so hard to do something that should be easy? (Wall of Awful pt. 1)”:

Here’s my summary:

Everyone has a “wall of awful,” but ADHD folks have extra and bigger walls than neurotypicals. We build the wall every time we fail, and each brick represents disappointment (we disappoint ourselves and others), failure, rejection, worry, impulsivity, self-doubt, forgetting, and more.

5 ways to get past the wall of awful:

1. Staring at the wall.

2. Going around it (not possible because it’s infinitely wide).

3. Hulk-smash through the wall in anger (this hurts others and isn’t healthy).

4. Hulk-smash inwardly with self-flagellation (this damages our self-esteem and hurts ourselves).

Those first four represent fight, flight, or freeze.

5. Climb it. This involves inner emotional work; gearing up to do the thing; recharging and waiting for enough energy. So to someone looking on, it might not look like we’re doing anything at all.

Do you have walls of awfulness? I certainly do and I can think of a few off the top of me noggin: making phone calls; grocery shopping; going out anywhere (this includes places where people are usually friendly, like church); doing my stretches; studying Japanese; math; taxes; considering job interviews or something similar.

I hope that learning about the wall of awful has helped you, my Beany friends. It has given me encouragement that I’m not the only one.

(By the way, the idea of the wall of awful comes from Brendan Mahan, ADHD coach.)

Stay tuned for part 2 coming up in the next section…

The Wall of Awful, Part 2: Climbing That Sucker

Here’s part 2 of the Wall of Awful “How To ADHD” series:

My summary:

Recognize that you have a wall of awful! That’s the first major step.

There are 2 ways to climb the wall of awful, and the first one is only a shortcut and not lasting. The second one is a more permanent solution with strategies that can be used over and over for years to come.

1. Putting a door in the wall by changing our emotions about it.

   Examples: use music to change our mood; set a time limit; use novel experiences; use novel places (like writing in a coffee shop instead of at home); exercise (gives us a wave of dopamine to help us over the hurdle)

2. Put handholds in the wall. 

   Here are some strategies for handholds:

   1. Developing time wisdom. An example of this would be setting a timer when you mow the lawn to time yourself. You might not want to do it because you think it will take an entire day, but the timer shows it only takes 2 hours total.

   2. Plan what you’re going to do ahead of time and set fewer and more attainable goals (for example, I’m going to answer 5 emails only).

   3. ADHD can involve all-or-nothing thinking, so we actually need to define what “done” means for us.

   4. Allow time for transitions.

   5. Take time to reflect on how things have gone. This is time well spent, not wasted! Ask yourself: Did it go as well as I wanted it to? Maybe not quite as well as I expected, but did I still succeed? If so, why? This gives us strategies for next time.

And this is the part in the video that made me cry!

How to prevent adding more bricks to our walls:

1. Forgiveness.

2. Understanding.

3. No judgement.

4. Compassion.

5. Empathy.

These are all gifts we need to give to ourselves as we climb over this journey-full ADHD life of walls. Friends, we can do it, one baby handhold at at a time.

Folks, I’m quoting my friend (above) with his permission. This came just after the US president and secretary of health (who, by the way, has no medical degree or experience or qualifications) said that he will find out what causes autism by September this year. He has repeatedly said that vaccines cause autism.

Here’s a quote from a BBC article about it:

Here’s what I think:

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

1. “The Repair Shop,” a TV show in the UK that I’m watching every Thursday with my in-laws. I have to get out the tissues every time! People bring in their family treasures (which have great sentimental value) to be repaired, and the show walks us through the repairs with an expert craftsperson. Then the owner(s) of the item comes back and they usually cry from joy and nostalgia when they see it restored and sparkling again.

2. Last week I wrote about allergies and autism, but I also wanted to say that my mother-in-law is doing such a beautiful job of making delicious meals and desserts that I can eat here (see her “apple doofers” above). I’m also making some of the meals every week, and it’s a joy to use their large kitchen with wonderful counter space and a dishwasher!

3. The Hechinger Report, journalism about education that I receive via their email list, had an article this week about WOW (Working on Womanhood), a school-adjacent program in the US that supports Black and Hispanic girls with mental health practical help, including reducing PTSD symptoms. It’s that good! The girls report feeling “heard and understood.”

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Wonderful Wednesday

Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

• As someone with ADHD, my walls of awful are extra and bigger than for someone who is neurotypical. Each wall is built with bricks of failure, and there are ways to push through or climb it.

• The healthiest way to climb the wall of awful is to build handholds: more permanent strategies for ADHDers that can be used over and over.

• Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

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