Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

• Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

  • Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope t …

• Home

  • Burned Out?

    • Yeehawesome!

  • Wonderful Wednesday

  • Today’s Beany-full Summary:

Home

Home is something I ponder a lot.

As an undiagnosed autistic person for 47 years, I always wondered why I felt weird and different and disconnected.

As an expatriate, I am visibly and audibly weird and different and disconnected.

Put the neurodivergencies (I have 3) together with also being a foreigner and you have a fun mix.

I mean sometimes it really is fun: trying new-to-me foods; learning a new vocabulary word; visiting a site that thrills me or touches me somehow.

Other times it is overwhelming, and in many cases there is plenty of overlap between fun and challenging.

Ain’t that life.

Speaking of life, I wrote a little note to myself a few years ago and pinned it to our kitchen wall in Japan. It says:

It’s on a small piece of Japanese stationery with little colorful drawings of red and blue kokeshi dolls, and I affixed a little bit of red mizuhiki to it, which is a kind of traditional rice paper cord tied into a beautiful knot.

I like to remind myself in the midst of the mundane that I do live an unusual life.

It’s not everyone who gets to live in the country they dreamed of since they were a child.

It’s not everyone who gets to be married to someone from yet another country that they also love.

It’s not everyone who gets to raise TCKs (third-culture kids).

It’s not everyone who gets to have a neurodivergent brain that helps you think outside the box and notice all kinds of beauty and details and words and colors.

And yet, home still feels elusive sometimes, a unicorn running away and bounding over a fence into a tangled and brambled forest.

As a Christian, I tell myself that my true Home is with Jesus.

That is true.

Even with that consolation, for now, in this life, it still feels so complicated.

Emily Katy, an autistic person and autistic mental health advocate, says:

She offers 5 suggestions:

1. Connect with online autistic communities (she recommends this one: community.autism.org.uk).

2. Look for groups that share your special interests and meet up with them.

3. Volunteer somewhere. 

4. Be nice to yourself. Sometimes you just haven’t met your tribe yet; it doesn’t mean that people don’t like you or want to be around you.

5. Don’t compare yourself with other people (especially neurotypical ones). People sometimes do misrepresent their lives on social media and make them look glossier than they really are.

I would add a number 6: Go outside for a walk. Breathe fresh air and enjoy the relaxing and invigorating experience of nature. And you never know who you might meet on a walk!

Yes, home is a tricky concept and it’s also the floorboards beneath your be-slippered feet. It is love, coziness, and grief.

I haven’t figured it out yet.

So I’ll leave you with some memes and quotes from my “home” photo album in Facebook that I’ve been collecting over the years.

Wherever you are, whatever your ideas and expectations and feelings and thoughts of home, I hope that you can feel a big hug today from moi, in the UK with planes flying overhead about to land at Heathrow and birds singing in the trees outside.

Where are you today? What is your experience of home?

Burned Out?

Dr. Alice Nicholls is a neurodivergent person and a clinical psychologist in the UK who helps autistic people who are in burnout.

I’ve been following her for a while and have appreciated many of her helpful tips and ideas.

Even if I’m not in full-blown autistic burnout, I do live at a constant level of tiredness that is annoying and um…tiring.

Dr. Nicholls suggests connection as a way to combat burnout, but not forcing yourself to do it neurotypical-style.

She says:

She’s got lots of great ideas for low-demand connection, and in this article she shares 81 of them (sent in by some of her clients). If you have time, do check out all of them. Just don’t force yourself to do all 81! As if.

I’ll just share a few of my faves (these are quoted directly from her clients):

1. I connect with nature by listening to and watching the birds.

2. Sharing my autistic identity with people and talking about it. Similarly sharing information that I am passionate about. Teaching others.

3. Writing to a friend. This might be a short postcard (with an image you think they will like or you like so want to share your enjoyment of), or a longer letter. This can be done at a time that suits you, it also allows you as much time as you want to formulate what you want to say, rather than having to quickly verbalise thoughts.

4. Trees!

5. Volunteering. I used to volunteer regularly at an animal shelter and it was nice to be working with likeminded people on clearly defined tasks. There wasn’t a lot of socializing, which was nice, we were just all working for a common goal.

6. Body doubling. I didn’t know there was a name for this until recently, but a couple of friends and myself used to do this once a month with creative writing. We would all get on a video call and most of the time would be silence while we all worked in our own space—it was just nice knowing there were other people there with me concentrating on writing.

7. Meeting a friend at their house for a quiet tea party with reading.

I’ve done most of these 7 ideas (including body doubling), but I’d like to try more. Which ones have you tried and liked? Did you have time to read all 81 ideas? Which ones resonate with you?

And I have to ask: What did you think body doubling was when you first heard about it? It sounds hilarious, hey. (I will write more about this in the future, so stay tuned.)

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

1. Getting ready in the morning while listening to Celtic Psalms with Kiran Young Wimberly and the McGrath family. Food for the spirit and the ears!

2. This beautiful story made my heart so glad! A couple named Kym and Roger in Banbury, UK, have opened their home for the last 27 years to various folks with support needs, such as autistic people who might need help navigating public transport, finding a job, or practicing social interactions. This is through the Shared Lives program in Oxfordshire.

3. The Ark Cafe here in Marlow at the Methodist church. It’s a real community hub: I meet the Marlow Wombles there before and after we pick up litter around town; I sometimes stay and have a ginger beer (aka ginger soda) or coffee with them after we finish; I go with my family for a coffee treat; I meet friends there; I frequently utilize their book “swop” corner; and we go to the church’s 2nd Saturday Sale there (the 2nd Saturday of each month they sell stationery, used books, knick-knacks, and used clothing).

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Wonderful Wednesday

Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

• “Home” is a tricky concept sometimes, especially if there are various reasons for differences such as being neurodivergent and/or living overseas.

• Dr. Alice Nicholls says connection can help you recover from burnout, and she offers 81 ideas for low-demand connection for autistic people.

• Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

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