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Beany Brain #48: Face It, Masking Is Not Wrong

Author

Abigail Munday
July 02, 2025

Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

Photo by Abigail Munday

Face It

Nobody has ever accused me of having a poker face.

In fact, people think I’m angry when I’m not.

Or upset when I’m not.

Or fine when I’m actually upset.

Or bored when I’m actually excited.

In other words, let’s face it: I’m neurodivergent.

Hey, we knew that!

I mean, we now know that. As of 3 years ago.

The other day I got to explore the High Wycombe Museum on my own during one of my son’s final IGCSE exams. I own a brass rubbing from a chapel in Windsor (from about 25 years ago), but I’ve never gotten to do one myself. Until now!

She’s Lady Elizabeth Verney, and this brass piece was from 1547, a part of a larger brass piece depicting Lady Elizabeth, her husband Sir Ralph, and their 9 sons and 3 daughters. Her mantle shows the family coat of arms for both her family and her husband’s family. Lady Verney married 3 times, and was from Aldbury in Hertfordshire.

I share this with you because I keep thinking about faces. And Lady Verney’s face from 1547. (She must’ve been tired with that many kids and successive husbands.)

And I’m thinking about my own face. I have to constantly remind myself to relax my face because I’m forever copying other people’s facial expressions. This is something I didn’t even realize until recently. And just walking down the street is an adventure in facial muscles. Just today I discovered that I was doing a weird smile and said in my head, hey, Abigail, calm the face down! I then relaxed my facial muscles and felt better. But if someone was looking at me they might have thought I was angry. Nope. Just a more relaxed face.

“Autistic individuals use the same basic facial movements to express emotions, but their intensity often falls outside the culturally familiar range that most people recognize,” said Elizabeth Torres, a psychology professor at the Rutgers–New Brunswick School of Arts and Sciences. “This disconnect can lead to missed social cues, causing others to overlook or misinterpret their emotions.”

She went on to say:

"The challenge isn’t a lack of expression – it’s that their intensity falls outside what neurotypical individuals are accustomed to perceiving,” she said. “This means we are quite literally missing each other’s social cues.”

I don’t have any answers for bridging that disconnect; I’ll just keep being my “normal” self. (Ha.)

Photo by Stephen Munday

Can anyone guess what face I was making here?

It was my three-fruit-marmalade-come-hither look. Get into my mouf. (Our boys made grapefruit-orange-lemon marmalade with their UK grandparents a few weeks ago, and lots of it has been getting into my mouf via gluten-free toast every mornin’.)

Anyway, Rutgers researchers have been using AI-powered smartphone cameras to track neurodivergent people’s miniscule facial expression changes.

I don’t know what I think about that.

What I do know is that I’m not going to be playing poker for money.

Photo and Facial Masking Adaptations by Abigail Munday

Masking Is Not Wrong

Facing the truth of it, society deeming neurodivergent traits wrong is what’s really wrong.

The Brain Charity UK says this about neurodivergent masking:

What is masking?

Masking is the act of suppressing or concealing neurodivergent traits in schools and workplace in order to appear neurotypical. It is often commonly experienced by autistic people.

With ableism, stigma, judgement and potential discrimination sadly still widespread, it often feels habitual for a neurodivergent person to mask or change their behaviours in public settings, regardless of the challenges they may face by doing this.

What does masking look like?

Neurodivergent people who mask their conditions tend to do this by mimicking or mirroring the behaviours of neurotypical people around them, such as their peers, colleagues or friends.

It’s not just facial expressions, folks!

The Brain Charity also says this:

This could include behaviours like:

Developing social scripts to get by in social settings, and rehearsing entire conversations in advance of having them.

Trying to suppress stimming behaviours such as hand-flapping, rocking or repetitive movements, even though you may find these soothing.

Forcing eye contact even though this may feel unnatural or uncomfortable.

Providing stereotypical answers to questions or small talk, as they may feel hesitant in sharing much information about themselves.

Acting outwardly as if they are not affected by sensory overload, such as by being overtly quiet.

Downplaying special interests.

Some therapies actually teach neurodivergent folks to mask. They train their clients for sometimes tens of hours a week. I won’t go into all of that, but many neurodivergent adults rue this type of “training” they received as kids and say that it was harmful.

All I know is that dang, yes, I mask. It’s exhausting.

And it’s probably why I flew under the radar all those years. I was just too good at the old masking game.

However…

I don’t believe that ND (neurodivergent) people should be forced to not mask either.

If this has been our way of life for decades, of course it’s difficult to practice and unlearn all of that. It takes time and vulnerability.

Encouragement to be ourselves? Check.

Forcing masking or unmasking? Nope.

Support from the neurotypical realm? Check.

Ridicule or judgement in any form? Nope.

There’s a push from the ND world for NDs to unmask unmask unmask. I understand the concern: If you mask all the time, you can really get exhausted and even burn out. But if you expend a lot of energy in unmasking, that could be difficult too.

Whew.

Just sending love to everyone. If you’re a neurotypical person, I hope this has helped you to understand what masking involves. If you’re an ND person, take good care of yourself and do what you need to do today to rest and rejoyvenate.

Hugs (if you want them).

Photo by Abigail Munday

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

  1. The above artwork was in the Big Issue recently and is by an artist named Stephen Thompson, who has had epilepsy his whole life. Isn’t his work yeehawesome? This was for the Design and Disability exhibit in London (showcasing works by disabled, deaf, and neurodivergent people).

  2. A gorgeous red dress took 14 years and 380 embroiderers in 51 countries to make. You simply must click on that link and see it for yourself. Here’s what they said about it: "Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

  1. I’ve completed over 300 days of Duolingo now! I’m doing Japanese, math, and music. Go, moi!

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Wonderful Wednesday

Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.

Photo by Abigail Munday

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

  • There is a disconnect between neurodivergent people’s facial expressions and neurotypical people’s expectations of what those expressions should mean.

  • Masking is a tough nut to crack: If you do it too much, you could burn out. If it’s what you’ve done all your life, it can feel like second nature. Take good care of yourself either way.

  • Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

If you’re enjoying Beany Brain, please share with a friend or seventeen at www.beanybrain.com. Cheers big time!