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Beany Brain #58: Last-Minute To Win It
Abigail Munday
September 09, 2025
Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!
Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.
Table of Contents
Photo by Abigail Munday
Last-Minute Moments and Memories
“I feel sick.”
“I can’t do it now.”
“I’m too tired.”
“I have a family thing I have to go to.”
A big part of my triple diagnoses three years ago (3 X 3) has been learning, researching, reading my own brain better, discovering others’ similar stories, and unraveling shame.
I’ve probably told you before that anxiety can be a comorbidity (I really do hate that word) with autism and ADHD.
And another fun fact is that autistic and ADHD folks can also deal with RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria).
If you’re curious about yourself and RSD, you can take a quiz here. I scored very high (surprise! surprise! surprise! says Gomer Pyle).
Those excuses up at the top?
I’ve used all those in the past to back out at the last minute from situations that felt very overwhelming at the time: my 16th birthday party, teaching an English lesson to very young Japanese children in front of a bunch of adults, an event with what felt like too many people, or the wedding of a childhood friend when I had no date to go with me.
None of those excuses were lies.
I actually did feel sick, or tired, or overwhelmed, or lonely. There was a family thing I went to instead of my friend’s wedding—but I had RSVPed to the wedding first.
Ask a buddy to come along for support.
Figure out in advance where you’ll sit. (Like far from the speaker if you are sensitive to noise.)
Recharge before the event.
Remind yourself of the three questions above. [Will this have a long-term impact on my friendship? Does this hurt the other person? Will this hurt my friendship goals?]
Come up with a few encouraging phrases, like, “I’m so grateful to have been invited” or “I’m nervous, but I’m willing to be there for my friend.”
Have a role at the event — something to keep you busy and relieve the pressure.
Honestly, I’m much less likely to back out of something at the last moment now because I’m actually much more likely to say no in the first place.
And I’m better at giving myself the space and accommodations that I need, especially now since I know the why and I know what options are available. I can give myself options. I also know better what I like and don’t like. What I’m gifted at and what I can jettison. How I can be a good friend in my own way.
But back to anxiety.
It really isn’t fun.
And also…
Just maybe…
My neurodivergent brain is a gift in some ways.
My sensitivities bring extra creativity.
My feelings of rejection lead me to reach out to others who might be on the fringes.
I’m not saying that I don’t struggle.
I am saying that it’s a mixed bag, and sometimes the mixed bags are the most interesting.
Ha Ha Haiku
My aim is to share a funny haiku with you every week in every newsletter, whether it’s one of my own or one I curate for you. HA. Ha. Haiku.
This one was written and illustrated by Yamada Zenjido and comes by way of jonellepatrick.me.
Photo by my son
“But You Don’t Look Autistic”
Have a look at this BBC article about a photo exhibit in Wales:
It’s full of beautiful photos of autistic folks taken by autistic children who hope to raise awareness that autistic people are people too!
The name of the exhibit, “But You Don’t Look Autistic,” came from a mum in her 40s who was recently diagnosed and was tired of people telling her that she couldn’t be autistic.
When you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.
We are all unique, and I love these photos, which are a beautiful representation of different folks with their own struggles and gifts.
And really, they’re just lovely photographs full stop. Have a gander.
Photo by Abigail Munday
Yeehawesome!
Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?
The fantastical Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama reimagines The Little Mermaid.
More quirky art: Scottish comedian Billy Connolly has Parkinson’s and also creates art that I really love.
I just reread the first in the Thursday Next series, The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde. I got it at a secondhand bookshop called The Village Booksmith in Baraboo, Wisconsin, a few years ago, and in which I could’ve stayed all day. I could stay all day in The Eyre Affair, too. It’s a genre-busting book: sci-fi, time travel, romance, comedy, full of literary allusions, vampires, mystery, and anti-war references to an ongoing battle in Crimea between Great Britain and Russia (keep in mind the novel was written in 2006, well before Russia invaded Crimea). I want to read all of the series! It’s genre-busting and I kind of feel like I am too.
Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness
Wonderful Wednesday
Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.
Photo by Abigail Munday
Today’s Beany-full Summary:
Anxiety can go along with certain neurodivergencies and can lead to last-minute backing-out from events. If you deal with that, there is no shame, and you are not alone.
Autistic children in Wales have taken photographs of autistic people for an exhibit to show that we are all people and deserving of respect and consideration. Lovely photos.
Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?
Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.
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