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Beany Brain Newsletter #10: Happy Diagnoses and Doors
Abigail Munday
October 01, 2024
Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!
Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.
Table of Contents
Photo by Abigail Munday
Happy Autism!
October 2024 marks two years since my triple neurodivergencies diagnoses in October 2022, the day I cried tears of joy in my psychiatrist’s office because everything suddenly made sense.
My brain is different but not defective.
So happy two-year beany-brainiversary to moi!!!
Years ago I looked over an online questionnaire for assessing autism (I think it was the Autism Spectrum Quotient). This was not for myself.
But as I kept answering questions that pointed toward autism for that other person, I realized the flashing red arrow was pointing right at my own brain too.
However, I mask like a mad thing.
And it’s much harder for girls to receive the attention they need to get assessed. Girls can mimic social interactions around them and pretend well enough to fall through the diagnostic cracks.
My psychiatrist even said that I am amazing at masking.
That superpower (?) is exhausting.
And it’s probably why I read so many books as a kid (and now). I need downtime to reorient and not talk and not be talked at and not try to figure people out.
The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch is a memoir I recommend if you want to know more about what’s it’s like inside the head of someone who is autistic and ADHD. The author’s marriage started falling apart until his wife, who is a speech therapist, took one of those online autism questionnaires for him. He passed with flying colors and was then diagnosed with Asperger’s (which doctors now consider part of the autism spectrum and not anything separate; it hasn’t been diagnosed since 2013 and the book was written in 2012).
I read the book when it came out (before my diagnoses) and again a couple weeks ago.
David Finch starts keeping a journal and writing down instances when his wife is upset with him because he’s said or done something insensitive without even realizing it. He vows to do better to notice her (not just himself and his own sensitivities). His marriage starts healing. And there’s lots of hilarity and heartaches and heartwarm-iness along the way. He’s a great writer.
I don’t relate to some of what he experiences. I am better at masking and better at keeping my mouth shut. :)
But the whirling thoughts I get. The feeling distant and out of control and confused. Not understanding what’s going on around me.
What a relief and gift to understand my own brain better now.
For me, my diagnoses felt like freedom, not labels.
It’s October! Happy birthday and autism to me! Now I just need a cake.
Photo by Abigail Munday
Open Door
You might know by now that one of my favorite podcasts is “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” and because she and her husband have just recently taken their second and final child to college, they are experiencing the whole empty nest thing. Except Gretchen’s reframing it and calling it their “Open Door” season. (I think she’s now writing a book about it.)
We have our own open-door life right here in Kanazawa.
Our kids are still home with us (well, they’re back now after 3 months in the UK and US with grandparents and extended family), but what I mean by our open door is that we are the ones who’ve been here 10 years and we’ve had many, many expat friends come and go in that time.
Yesterday our German-and-Malawian-couple friends left Kanazawa to move back to Germany. Over the years we’ve made friends here with Indonesians, Germans, Malawians, Americans, Brits, Canadians, Cambodians, Burmese, Egyptians, Thai, Vietnamese, Norwegians, Danish, Filipinos, and more!
It’s lovely to have such an international mix to hang out with and to learn from.
And yet…
My autistic brain likes stability and sameness.
My ADHD brain likes new and exciting.
Yes, they coexist inside my ever-churning noggin.
So I’m grieving the change and the turnover. That part of my brain and heart is not happy about this.
Our front door is open to current and new and future friends.
My brain and heart doors are worried about more grief.
It’s the third-culture life, and it’s trickier with my tricky brain. Yay, new friends! Boo, old friends leaving.
I’m continually learning to leave the doors open. And to close the doors for a bit to allow myself to grieve and recharge and acknowledge it all when I need to.
Photo by Abigail Munday
Yeehawesome!
Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?
Yeehawesome for my taste buds: these Malaysian spicy potato chips from our local mini halal store near the university (quite a few Indonesian students there who need halal food; I’m glad they and the store are nearby—I’m enriched by both).
Voting! My absentee ballot arrived yesterday and I have filled it all in and it’s ready to mail back. So many women were ridiculed and imprisoned and force-fed and beaten for me to have the right to vote that any chance I have to use my enfranchisement I take.
This seems kind of obvious to me, but Rutgers University folks have realized that autistic adults experience a range of complex emotions. They are advocating for those neurotypical people around autistic people to take into account that the faces we make don’t always correlate to how we’re actually feeling deep inside, but we do have complex emotions even if we process and exhibit differently than neurotypicals.
Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness
From “Incredible Joy” on Facebook
Wonderful Wednesday
Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.
Today’s Beany-full Summary:
My neurodivergencies diagnoses felt like freedom, not labels.
I recommend the book The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch.
Open doors of friendship in a third-culture context can be exciting and exhausting for me as someone who is neurodivergent.
Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?
Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.
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