Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

• Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

  • Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope t …

• Pretty Sure I’m PDA

  • Repitan Por Favor

    • Yeehawesome!

  • Wonderful Wednesday

  • Today’s Beany-full Summary:

Pretty Sure I’m PDA

Hey, by the way, happy 25th Beany Brain newsletter to me! It’s 2025 and I’m 25 + almost 25 with a 25-post newsletter. Go, me!

This newsletter is something that I really want to do and enjoy doing and love doing, so it’s usually not a problem to aggregate and write it all up every week.

However.

There are plenty of other examples in my life where I haven’t done what others think I should.

And there are even examples of what I think would be useful or helpful that I balk against.

When I was a late teenager/young adult/early 20s there was a revival at a church in Pensacola in North Florida. I am from Central Florida and all the young adults at my church were telling me I should go. They were all going off and on.

My opinion was that if God wanted to reach me, he could reach me in Orlando. I didn’t feel that I had to go to a certain place to know Him better, and so I didn’t go.

One time I convinced Stephen and the boys to visit an eclectic, homegrown, grassroots, unofficial art gallery in Orlando with me.

We got there, and the girl by the door led us in, told us a bit about it, said we’d be on our own, and then pointed to a big clear box with a slit in the top and some cash in the bottom and said they suggested a $5 donation.

Then we had a stare-down.

I didn't move.

But after she went back to her desk at the door, out of sight, I put $5 in.

I don’t like people telling me what to do and then monitoring my behavior/actions.

At that moment, I cared more about my autonomy than about what she thought about me. (The feelings of shame that she didn’t know that I had given the money came later.)

I remember even yelling at our male volleyball coach when I was a teenager on the court when he called a time out and blamed our team’s poor performance on me, just because I happened to have been the last person to have made a mistake before the break. I was so mad! If I wasn’t such a high masker, I probably would’ve stomped off the court and not finished the game. (I apologized to him later because I was such a goody-two-volleyball-shoes.)

PDA, or pathological demand avoidance, can be part of an autism profile. According to the PDA Society in the UK, which raises awareness of how PDA impacts daily life for those who struggle:

PDA may be more externalized and obvious, or more internalized (like how I deal with life because of my ability—and exhaustion—with high masking).

There are obvious demands in life, and then according to the PDA Society, there are these additional struggles:

I personally don’t have a problem with the daily demands of brushing my teeth two or three times a day, but I have to force myself to dust the house. I hate dusting. I’d rather clean a toilet, and I’m not too crazy about that either.

So if nobody else does it, our house doesn’t get dusted very often.

It’s not great for our allergies, but I still haven’t found a successful way to get myself to do it. It’s a demand that I just can’t jump over most of the time. The reward of a dust-free house is not enough for me.

As with everything I’ve been researching about neurodivergencies and everything new I’ve been learning about myself since my triple neurodivergence diagnoses two years ago, I’m also practicing grace. I’m having to gift it to myself very intentionally.

And honestly, it’s such a relief to KNOW all these things. It’s not a burden, it’s a big deep breath of solidity.

That’s really the first step.

Even if I can’t make myself take the first step in some areas.

Like dusting.

(Sneeze.)

Oh well. It’s OK.

I’ll just bless myself and move on.

Repitan Por Favor

I think I was in high school when one of my sister’s friends brought over the VHS of “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.” We all watched it together once, and then the two of them went off into my sister’s room to chat.

Then I watched the movie two more times. Maybe three.

Netflix Japan has removed “Steel Magnolias,” but before they did, I probably watched it another ten times before the cutoff date.

My current go-to for playing on repeat is “While You Were Sleeping,” and when I’m not watching it while latch hooking or cooking (I almost never sit and watch movies while I’m doing nothing else unless they have subtitles), I’m listening to the movie soundtrack on Spotify. There’s something soothing about hearing all the music and replaying in my mind the movie scenes that match each piece.

I used to force myself to watch films like “Schindler’s List” or “The Sixth Sense” that were part of the zeitgeist at that moment and that I thought I “should.”

Not anymore.

I know myself too well now.

I honor myself now.

I’m the same with music. If I need comforting, it’s “Monks of Senegal” on Spotify.

On repeat, of course.

I want repeated comfort.

I don’t want surprises, violence, or shocks on the screen. Real life is crazy and unpredictable enough.

Many other autistic folks say the same thing, and we’ll keep repeating it, I guess, till more people understand that it’s fine.

We’re not broken records.

We just want the record to be as smooth and as stress-free as possible.

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

1. This dish soap, which is unscented, gets the grease off pots and pans, and I can get it at my regular drugstore/grocery store. Yay for small victories and acquisitions! I can’t stand anything scented anymore. And usually the stuff that’s unscented is too wimpy to clean.

2. Beany Brain is officially on Bluesky (it’s an alternative to Twitter/X and Threads). Find me on Bluesky @beanybrain.bsky.social.

3. The news that IKEA is doing a 2-month pop-up shop in our area. That will be so fun! I’ve got it on my calendar already. I just hope they bring some jars of lingonberry jam when they come.

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Wonderful Wednesday

Wonderful Wednesday was a day once a year in college when they would suddenly and surprisingly call off all classes and we’d play all day. The cafeteria provided special fun food and we’d do stuff outside like slip ‘n slides and jello wrestling in sumo suits. This segment of Beany Brain is dedicated to that memory of silliness and fun—no words, just a photo from the week that I’ve taken or found that reminds me to let the joy in. Since Beany Brain is published on Wednesday every week (at least, Wednesday in Japan), I hope you enjoy this Wonderful Wednesday.

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

• Some autistic folks also present with PDA (pathological demand avoidance), which can impact daily life and make some tasks a big struggle

• Repetition, for some autistic folks, is very soothing.

• Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

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