Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

• Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

  • Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope t …

• Clouded Thinking

  • Culture Shock

    • Yeehawesome!

  • Today’s Beany-full Summary:

Clouded Thinking

(Content warning: a road rage incident.)

Yes, I have clouded thinking sometimes, but this might be a little different than what you’re expecting.

My clouded thinking generally revolves around memory recall and what did I plan for dinner and how did I just drive here.

But let’s not focus too much on that aspect of it right now.

Today, let’s consider intrusive thoughts and how they impact us. I know they can be almost debilitating for me sometimes, though with therapy and time and techniques I’m getting better.

Intrusive thoughts stink—they come out of nowhere and can really try to make you think that they’re real and that that’s how you really are.

It’s not true. They are liars.

(Let me say here that if you are having bouts of intrusive thoughts, it’s a good idea to talk with a trusted therapist for support.)

You are not your thoughts. I am not my thoughts. Or my thought patterns.

Intrusive thoughts can go hand in hand with neurodivergencies, and so that’s something to consider as well.

One technique that helps me is being curious about my thoughts. Hey, there’s a yucky thought! Deep breath. I wonder why it jumped up at me like that? Is it true? Is it reality? Nope!

Then I picture it written out in a cloud floating away into the distance, and it suddenly and quickly loses its potency. I actually type the thought out in the cloud in my mind. (I love typing and I’m pretty fast.)

This also requires me to be on my toes about it, and when I’m extra tired, or hormonal, or stressed, this doesn’t always work because I’m not as good at paying attention in those times. And those times are exactly when intrusive thoughts like to start yelling.

As a Christian, I also pray for the renewal and cleansing of my mind, and I thank the Holy Spirit for always being with me and for being the Comforter.

In a twist on the above cloudage, one time about seven or eight years ago, I was the victim of a very dramatic and scary road rage incident here in Japan. It was so bad that I thought the man was going to kill me. I am thankful to still be alive and to have a therapist who has helped me process the trauma of that night.

Driving on that stretch of the road has never been the same for me. Even now, years later, I will remember his raging face as he stopped his car in front of me and ran toward my window. It can take my breath away in fear.

I came up with a sort-of clouded thinking response to this by myself:

Instead of a cloud, Ms. Pac-Man!

Hear me out.

When those memories and intrusive thoughts come unbidden, I picture Mr. Angry and his car being chomped by Ms. Pac-Man. It takes the sting away so effectively that I sometimes can even laugh about it now as I see her coming across a screen and ready for action.

It’s not that I wish that man ill. I don’t. But if it takes Ms. Pac-Man to help my thoughts grow calmer and to help my heart rate go down, so be it.

What might spark your creativity around unwanted thoughts and getting rid of them? I had someone suggest a balloon to me one time, but clouds work better in my imagination for some reason.

Balloons? Clouds? Ms. Pac-Man? A jumping bean that jumps away?

Bye-bye, bad thoughts.

Culture Shock

I’ve never lived overseas as a neurotypical person. 

What I can describe for you, as best I can, is living in consistent culture shock whether in my home country, when I’m traveling in my husband’s country of origin, or when I’m right here in Kanazawa, Japan, where I’ve lived with my family for the past ten years.

Culture shock: feeling frustrated, confused, stressed, overwhelmed, and sometimes completely obsessed and suddenly in love with new surroundings. That’s the Abigail Munday working definition.

But when you’re neurodivergent, that’s how you live. Period. Everything feels big.

“New surroundings” is pretty accurate, I think, because life is constantly changing even if you stay put for a while: new sights, new sounds, new smells (good and bad, especially tricky for someone like me with an extra-sensitive sense of smell), new reactions from the people closest to you and from those regularly around you, reactions from people you don’t know, new seasons, new foods/tastes/textures, sudden new aversions (eggs can do this to me—I love them and I hate them), items of clothing (for example, I can be OK with a hat one day but not the next), etc.

Compound all of that with moving to a different country with a completely new language, writing system, and culture, and you’ve got one exhausted person. (That would be me.)

Not understanding why until I was 47 was distressing for me because I just thought I was wrong all the time. Everything felt wrong. I felt wrong. I didn’t fit. Everyone else understood these unknowable life rules that were beyond me.

I’m coming up on two years since my (triple) diagnoses and boy howdy, am I so very grateful.

I can admire my neurodivergent brain instead of being mad at it.

My environs can hold delicacies for me that maybe neurotypical people don’t even notice. I seek out tiny side streets and shadows and new foods and telephone booths and drain covers and colors and designs and insect noises and tree limbs and cloud patterns and people’s mouths (yes, I look at mouths when people talk to me, even in my native language).

(And wonder of wonders, people in Japan don’t demand eye contact. That is one of the best things ever.)

I don’t have to go overseas to have culture shock. That’s something, ain’t it. (Good. Bad. And all of the above.)

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

1. A cooking tip for y’all today. After many years of cooking and baking, this brings me delight and fun: If you are measuring ingredients and you need to use oil plus another liquidy item in the same measuring implement, measure the oil first. The second ingredient will just slide right out afterward. For example, you’re making muffins and you need to measure some oil or melted butter—do that before you measure the honey. Or you’re making a tahini-lemon dressing. Measure the olive oil, dump it into your bowl, then measure the tahini because the tahini will just slip on out like a kid on a slide at a water park. Wheeeee!

2. Just as I was weeping in joy with Gus Walz, Tim Walz’s 17-year-old son, a friend texted me this People article about Gus’s multiple neurodivergencies and his parents’ super-love for him. I honestly didn't know that he was neurodivergent at first—I saw him as a kid who just really adores his family. As you can see from Gus’s reaction to his dad’s speech at the Democratic National Convention, yelling “That’s my dad!” and crying profusely, that love is obviously so sweetly reciprocated. It was such a beautiful example of positive masculinity.

3. I’ve come up with a new get-to-sleep trick that doesn’t involve scrolling on a screen. In addition to asking myself “What went well today?” (tip from Dr. Daniel Amen), I’ve been borrowing photography books from my library and turning slowly through those. Whether it’s black-and-white photos from the 1950s United States or kimono designs that depict Japan’s four seasons, it’s all beany good for my jumping-bean brain. I bet you can’t pick just one favorite kimono fabric!

4. Have you ever had to make a call and tried to use the aviation alphabet to help the caller at the other end understand a letter that you’re using? I had to do that recently with our US bank, didn’t know some of the words for the letters, and that got me sucked into looking at the aviation alphabet later. Instead of saying J is for Japan, it’s actually Juliet! Oh well, I did get my point across but it’s fun for my brain to feed it some juicy aviation alphabet words.

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

• If you have intrusive thoughts, type them out in a cloud and watch them float away.

• Get curious about your thoughts. Are they representing reality or a lie?

• You can choose your favorite way to kick intrusive thoughts out: picture them in a balloon, as Ms. Pac-Man, or maybe even as a jumping bean hopping away with the yucky thoughts inside.

• Being neurodivergent is like living with constant culture shock even in your home country/environment.

• Culture shock can also bring unexpected treats (like new food flavors, if that’s your thing).

• Go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

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