Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope today’s newsletter will bounce us up as we contemplate the upsides and challenges of being neurodivergent, a little beauty, some creativity, and just general yeehawesomeness.

Table of Contents

• Beany Brain: loving our jumping-bean brains!

  • Welcome to this issue of the Beany Brain! I hope t …

• Just Grow Up

  • Ill Fitting

    • Yeehawesome!

  • Today’s Beany-full Summary:

Just Grow Up

(But I really don’t want to, y’all.)

One thing I admire a lot about my mom is that she doesn’t care what other people think—she will start dancing in public, or chat with strangers, or ask questions of anyone passing by. (Of course, this was mortifying when I was a teenager.)

My mom has a childlike, joyful spirit.

I have suppressed my own nature for a long time and have been extremely “good” at masking, but I’m gradually learning to let go of what others think of me. It’s been a long road, and I think my diagnoses in 2022 helped (a lot) to untangle me from my fears. (I have a long way to go, and RSD - rejection sensitive dysphoria - plays a big role, but that’s another post for another day.)

Unlike my mom, I am actually autistic, and there can be a perception of autistic people that we are younger than we are. Not just because we are joyful and curious about certain topics or interests, but also because we don’t always pick up on “adulting” cues around us. The world rotates for neurotypicals and as such, any difference might bring judgement.

An article in NeuroLaunch says this:

The article goes on to say that rather than changing the neurodivergent individual and forcing them into a neurotypical mold, the society around us needs to be more supportive, inclusive, and understanding. This takes education and time.

Personally, I get excited about manatees, about bats, about squeaky dog toys in the drugstore, about making pancakes or fried eggs and yelling, “I’M FLIPPING OUT!” when I turn them over, about watching the same movie(s) over and over again, about my Spotify playlists, about colors, about umbrellas, about writing poetry, about photography, about books and libraries, about the smell of citrus, about watching the Griffin Brothers rollerskating on Instagram, about stationery.

I have struggled and exhausted myself my whole life with social “norms” and watching others to see how they do it. For years I have reined in my own likes and dislikes to try to copy others around me.

It’s now my turn to shine. I get to be myself. I am autistic.

Ill Fitting

This week isn’t fitting right.

Have you ever had a hat that feels wrong? Or a tag that scratches your back? Or a seam that rubs? Or a dress that isn’t soft enough?

A stew of hormones, menopause, tiredness, heat, and who knows what else is the pot that stirred the Abigail.

Instead of doing the cooking, I’m feeling cooked.

I’m trying all my usual tactics: reframing (yes, I know that I like summer better than winter); reminding myself to drink water (I’m even annoyed by water); praying (I’m not hearing anything from you this week, God); checking things off my list (I end up just staring at my list in some kind of stupor); being thankful (needing more of this).

This newsletter was even a chore, to be honest, and I normally love working on it.

I don’t have any answers. And I don’t have a long newsletter. I’m just hoping that this too shall pass and my life will fit me better next week.

Or hopefully even tomorrow.

Yeehawesome!

Yeehawesome! is a happy-brain roundup in each issue of Beany Brain. What’s happening that’s good in brain land? What’s bringing me joy?

1. Something that’s been good for my jumpy brain is a new phone charger that doesn’t fit in an outlet with other cords. So I have to put it far away from me in an outlet with no other chargers, and it means that I’m checking my phone less often because it’s not near me. The phone charges quicker than it did with my old charger, plus I’m giving my eyes and brain a break from the dumb phone. Yes, it’s “smart” when I need it to be, but I still think it’s dumb sometimes because of the pull it has.

2. This Instagram account: @myautismsqueeks. (See the screenshot at the beginning of this newsletter for a little taste.)

3. My dentist is close to my favorite shop, Takagiya, which is full of handmade cooking knives, copper pots, and cast-iron kettles. I walk over there when I can and just stare in the window. Somehow this is calming and helps my dysregulated brain. Which kettle would you choose?

Beany Brownie Points and Extra Bonus Funniness

Today’s Beany-full Summary:

• Neurodivergent folks are sometimes judged as childish or immature, when really we might just not be picking up on neurotypical cues around us, or we might get excessively excited and curious about a topic that others just don’t understand or don’t care about as much.

• I’m in some kind of stunk funk this week.

• But let’s all go forth in Beany joy. What will help you feel yeehawesome this week?

Thank you for reading this installment of Beany Brain! You’re very welcome to hop on by any old time.

If you’re enjoying Beany Brain, please share with a friend or seventeen at www.beanybrain.com. Cheers big time!